They don’t write anti-Semitic screeds like they used to.

Wednesday, January 5th, 2011 @ 12:00 am | Politics

I found a Chick Tract at work this past week which is usually an event of great joy because it turns an otherwise dull afternoon into one filled with light-hearted laughter. The tract was titled “SCREAM” and its lack of anti-Catholic messaging let me down. The usual two dimensional artwork of scary monsters torturing super creeps was present but the story was trite even for a Jack Chick publication. A man is confronted by a life threatening situation when he is burned badly in a fire. “Fred” winds up in a hospital room in a full body cast (which isn’t how burns are treated but eh…). The hospital chaplain tells Fred that being trapped in a burning building ain’t so bad because hell is just like that except it’s, like, ten times as bad. The chaplain then dutifully reminds Fred of all the shenanigans he pulled in a life dedicated to avarice and vice and tells him if he doesn’t stop chasing whores he’ll know what real burny-burns feel like.

So that’s it. Fred thanks the preacher (who bears a striking resemblance to John Waters) and surprisingly chooses an eternity of love and happiness with Space Jesus over searing pain and endless suffering. J.T.C.’s used to remind the followers of Satan (Jews, Catholics, Teh Gays, Captain Beefheart, Jobriath) of what awaits them in the afterlife using lurid language and hilarious cartoon sketches of devils and demons. They generally serve as more of a comfort object for the devoted than they do a word of warning to the lost because they reassure the fragile egos of the pious and prim that the jerks who laughed at their offers of free copies of Watchtower and shut the door in their faces during last Wednesday nights “outreach” would sizzle in Old Scratch’s frying pan for a thousand years. Feigning sympathy for and feeling superior to the heathens is part of it but actually seeing it illustrated and detailed is the big payoff. Chick’s gone soft.

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