Newt is right.

Wednesday, February 1st, 2012 @ 1:32 am | Politics

It is a really good point to make that there are fifty states in the US. Indispensable, really. Yet some dispense. The primary system itself dispenses with most of the states in a system where some want to write off Newt Gingrich after only four states have voted.

One sometimes elusive pleasure about the 2008 primaries was that the extended primary allowed more states to have their say before the Conventional Wisdom told them to SHUT UP NO PRESIDENT WHO FAILED TO WIN BOTH IOWA AND NEW HAMPSHIRE HAS EVER WON, etc., blah blah blah.

Considering Newt leads Romney nationally (for some reason I can’t link on my wife’s laptop, but I checked Real Clear Politics polls), he can expect more victories down the line.

And yes, please Lordy let it be the case. A Romney candidacy will be pretty predictable, with Romney relying on phony falsehoods and general cluelessness. With Gingrich, the campaign will be so much more entertaining. I want to see how Newt acts in August when he realizes the Saul Alinsky claptrap is only for Super Adventure Club members. Republicans who, inexplicably, think of Obama as a walking teleprompter with a speech defect may be looking forward to seeing Newt debate Obama, but all sane people recognize that Obama will outclass Gingrich three debates in a row and it won’t even be close. It’s hard to understand how few of Obama’s opponents realize that no matter what disagreements one has with Obama, he’s one talented dude. He’s inhabited the office more fully since making the realization that Republicans were out to undermine his every move and every handshake was matched by a dagger. Usually, the handshake was spared.

Mint RawMoney, as Norman Goldman loves to call him, is his own gift, a walking boogeyman for capitalism so crass he temporarily turns rightwingers into Commie Pinkos. Okay, they love the rich, but actually running Gordon Gekko?

It’s doesn’t help that he’s Spaceman Gekko too, pumping millions each year into a plainly fraudulent religion invented by a con man whose distinctions from Scientology’s theology are best expressed in accounting practices (Mormons don’t seem to be running a blatant financial scam designed to indebt their followers to the church). Islam regards the Bible as a holy book too, but at least Muslims don’t try to call themselves Christians. If you add a book, you have to call yourself a different religion, that’s my rule. Mormonism is Christianity much the same as a group of people who added to the works of Sigmund Freud with fan fiction about Freud going back in time and calling himself Aristotle could be said to be Freudians.

I have to wrap it up before bedtime, but isn’t this election fun? I know I’ve been a reticient bitch lately when it comes to writing, but it’s just too much fun watching.


3 Responses to “Newt is right.”

  1. AJKamper Says:

    Hey, what’s with the attack on Mormons? 2 complaints.

    1) I worked with a bunch of Mormons for three years in Vancouver, WA. Great people, a real delight to work with, even if they did wear blessed underwear. If they want to think of themselves as Christians, let ’em; not only is religious identification not an absolute, but I always thought the important thing was the divinity of Jesus, right?

    2) Purely politically, conservatives are waiting like hawks for liberals to look prejudiced and biased on this one, so they can say, “SEE?! Who’s the stereotyper here? Who are the religion haters?” Mark my words: at some point someone important is going to say what most people think about Mormons, and it’s going to make Democrats look pretty bad for a couple of press cycles.

  2. Henry Whistler Says:

    1. Pretty sure I already addressed that with the Freud example. They can absolutely call themselves whatever they want, but I find myself rather sympathetic with Christians who care to disagree with the label, considering the extra holy book of imaginary Jesus adventures in America with the Jewish Indians. I certainly regard portions of the Gospels as fiction as well, but more like a myth/legend organically spread and taken to be truth by those who wrote them down. Joseph Smith just purely made shit up and sold it like every other fake bill of goods he was arrested for in his life. It is only slightly less goofy than Lord Xenu and the Thetans shooting out of volcanos, and the idea that God was once a dude living on another planet is pretty textbook blasphemy at direct odds with the Bible on a number of fronts.

    2. I’m not couching my critique in social etiquette here, I admit. But it happens to be true, and so I say it. And right now the ones letting slip what people think about Mormons are Republicans! Democrats have mostly kept their powder dry. After all, much like Scientology, we don’t have to do much more than plainly describe the theology of Mormonism to make people go “WTF?” Democrats aren’t the ones outraged by it, they’re just more weirded out and amused by it. Trying to play the war-on-religion card will only highlight how many religious people are contemptuous of Mormonism.

    3. Even if they are generally nice people (just as most Scientologists, Tom Cruise’s behind-the-door antics aside), besides the standard hatred of gays. And we can see that with the dropping of polygamy and the institutionalized racism towards blacks, they’re even eager to please.

    Ultimately, Mormonism is one of the least offensive things about Mitt Romney. It’s the one thing that makes him seem almost human, but it’s such a silly and arbitrary religion that even that puts distance between him and most voters. The worst things about him are easily the constant lies, evasions and morphing beliefs, along with the fact that he is the embodiment of the 1% in every way imaginable, campaigning to get himself more tax breaks while promising deep cuts for everybody else. He is simply out-of-touch with America on every front. The space god stuff is just icing on the cake.

  3. Henry Whistler Says:

    The alternative is that Mitt operates in the spirit of Smith and doesn’t really believe a work of the Book of Mormon either, as there seems to be no other sacred belief he won’t gleefully chuck out the door. It might tell Americans that the man is fundamentally a con artist. He seems a decent family man, I’ll give him that. The Ward Cleaver thing is about 90% of his appeal, I’d say.

    UPDATE: Oh, this is too good:

    I was chatting with a Mormon friend the other day and asking him what Mormons make of Mitt on this uncanny valley question. The phrase he came up with is “the Mormon mask.” It’s the kind of public presentation that a Mormon with real church authority deploys when dealing with less elevated believers, talking to them, and advising them. The cheery aw-shucks fake niceness in person is a function in part, some believe, of the role he has long played in the church: always a leader.